Have you finally orgasmed yet?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Dicks are not precious.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize