DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Randomize