giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
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I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
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He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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