so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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