Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
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scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
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He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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