the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize