margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I will pee on everything he values.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
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