i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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