His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
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Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
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We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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