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Someone shit on the floor
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
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