Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize