1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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