Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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