I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
jump out the window naked night went bad
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