did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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