I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
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I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
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This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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