i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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