I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Randomize