You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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