Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize