When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
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Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
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You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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