Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
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He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
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I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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