is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
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She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
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The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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