Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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