i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
organizing the empties. That sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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