If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
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He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
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If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
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