member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
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He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
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Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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