at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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