Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
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This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
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Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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