I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
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She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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