Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Randomize