her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize