walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
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Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
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I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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