I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
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