I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
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He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
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Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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