Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
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She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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