Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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