Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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