a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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