I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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