No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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