i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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