Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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