apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
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