I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
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It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
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When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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