what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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