if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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