I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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