First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize