I am midnight drunk by noon
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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